writing on poop!

Ever wondered what it would be to write on poop? Such stinky ideas do not strike people like us, but then there are always people like Mahima Mehra and Vijendra Shekhawat who come up with innovative things to write on. Five years ago, 37 year ole Mahima, a Jaipur-born Delhi entrepreneur and her companion, 26 year old Jaipur based Vijendra, then a small time executive in the paper industry, were on their way to the mystical Amber Fort on the jagged Aravalli hills. Climbing up the hill on that windy day, they stooped to squint at the source of all the dust that was filling their eyes. The source was dried moulds of elephant poop, flattened by the tourist vehicles and that was their ‘eureka’ moment. The thick, long fibrous look of the poop reminded them of mashed paper. Paying no attention to the curious looks and nudges of the tourist, the two scooped as much poop as they could and lugged it back home on their bike.
Back home the experiment began to understand the health hazards and profitability of using elephant dung to make handmade paper. It was concluded that using the dung was economical and manufacturing paper out of it would do good to the soil as well. The procedure of converting elephant poop to paper was the same as making other varieties of handmade paper, with the only challenge being to make it safe for the papermaker as well as the user by using disinfectants to make the paper as bacteria free as possible. The dung is collected from various elephant stables, and cleaned in large water tanks. This water is then drained into the fields which act as an excellent fertilizer for the crops. The fiber is softened by cooking it in water for 4-5 hours with salt, and then washing it with hydrogen peroxide to make it bacteria free. The pulp is later dried in the sun, removing any non-usable fiber. It then goes into the Hollander Beater, and is laid on wooden or cement vats filled with water. The sheets are dried in a cool and shady area. Once dry, the sheets are calendared with zinc coated metal sheets under pressure, to make them smoother and writable. They are then cut to the specified size, packed and sent to their required destination.
Christened as “Haati Chaap”, which means “Elephant’s print” the paper is used to make bags, frames, photo albums, notebooks, cards, tags and other stationeries.

ISS DIWALI AAP KISE KHUSH KARENGEY

There are a group of people, who make sure our morning is a ‘good morning’. Come rain or cold, it is they who see to it that our mornings remain as good as the mornings of spring. I am speaking about the milk man and the newspaper boy delivering milk and paper in cold, early hour of the day. This diwali, I am going to make them happy.
Remember the times when you simply put off the alarm to be able to get just a bit more time cuddled in you blanket to avoid the cold? Or the times when you decide to nap a bit longer seeing the rains outside. And finally, when you are awake, you always find the milk packets inside the bag hanging at your gate. Imagine a cold, rainy day when you woke up and found no milk in the bag. You do not get your morning tea and the whole day goes bad. The milk man acts like the Santa Clause. The only difference is that he isn’t from the North Pole, is not a fat man dressed is red and white, and does not say ‘ho-ho-ho’. But what he does is no different from that of Santa Clause. What more, he is real.
What about the newspaper boy who cycles to all the houses in the crisp cold, delivering newspaper so you can get a glimpse into the world around you as you sip you morning chai? This same boy later goes to school and gets back home to help his father.
We see these two people only at the end of the month when they come to collect their salary. No conversations are exchanged. They deliver the bill and we make the payment. Do we even know what their name is?
This diwali, I pledge to be a reason for a smile on their face. I would want to thank them for making my morning smooth. I would like to sit with them and talk. Ask them what their name is.

"A Dog's Life: (n) Slang, A miserably unhappy existence." Really?

There are so many phrases that humans have created after the dog. One that catches my attention the most is, "a dog's life." It always makes me wonder, 'why is only a sad life associated with a dog's life?' I did a Google search for the phrase, and this is what I hit upon:

This expression dates back to the 1600s - its meaning is: 'a life of misery.'
A Dog's Life: n Slang, A miserably unhappy existence.
A miserably unhappy existence, as in He's been leading a dog's life since his wife left him. This expression was first recorded in a 16th-century manuscript and alludes to the miserable subservient existence of dogs during this era. By the 1660s there was a proverb: "It's a dog's life, hunger and ease."

I have never noticed a dog leading a sad miserable life. Look at this picture. Does the dog look sad or miserable in any way? Man I feel he is smiling. And what about all those cute adorable dog pictures we see in all the forwards? To tell you more, I was born with dogs, went to school with dogs, went to the playground with dogs and I am sure, one day I will be a mother of dogs. Ah! think about saying this. Hi! these are my babies. I am the proud mommy of Pepsi and cola. Wink. Anyway, back to the phrase, It's a dog's life." To tell you the truth, dogs have a fantastic life. If I could choose, I would choose to be a dog.

Unlike the human life, a dog's life is very comforting. For a live example, I asked my dogs to share their daily time table with me and this is how it looks like:

4:30 am : Wake up Baby or papa. Get lots of love and petting from them. Get them out of the house.

4:30 To 5:30: Run like mad in the open fresh air. Oh! piss at the BMW standing in front the house of the old man who smells like a fish. Poop at house No.17 and cover with mud. Talk to Goldie and plan a prank on the milkman who would arrive at 6. Plan a strategy with Tike on scaring the postman away.

5:30: Get back home. Be petted by the human. Listen to all the good things they have to say about you. Wake the humans at home who are still sleeping. If they do not wake up with a nudge of the wet nose, lick them. Still no luck, use your paws and howl to wake them up. Get appreciation and petting for waking them up.

6:00 Chase the milkman and have fun at his expense. Listen to your human say, "good boy, good girl" to you.

6:30 wait at the kitchen door and expect for food. Be petted by all the humans in the household.

7:30 Expect food

8: 00 Food finally arrives. Eat and again be petted.

8:30 ask the humans to take you for another walk.

9:00 Nap

10:00 nap
11:00 nap

12:00 go out and judge the temperature

1:00 Nap

2:00 Nap

3:00 nap

4:00 Drop the ball at your humans feet and force them to play. Get petted. Listen to all the good things they have to say about you.

4:30 Snacks time

5:30 Bark at the noisy children playing in front of my gate

6:00 Go for another run in the ground. Scare the old ones and snatch the football of the boys playing

7:00 back home. Drink water. sit in front of the kitchen and expect food

8:00 expect food

8:30 eat. go out poop again

9:00 Jump on the couch with your favorite human and watch TV

10:00 Get into your humans bed sheet, occupy the most comfy spot. Good night.

Wow!

Do you call this a miserable life? Unhappy existence? No office, no cooking, no project deadlines, only lots of pampering, petting, appreciation, adoration and free food! This is not the definition of a miserable life. Hell this is what is called "Life". Whoever came up with the phrase, "A dog's life", implying a miserable life, was maybe right during the 1660's when the dogs did not have posh homes and had to hunt food in the garbage. But hey! did humans at that time have the luxuries? And if you debate that only a home owned dog has a good life, let me show you the dogs in front of my house who live next to the temple. They eat the prasad and have a huge gang of their own. Feels like a whole pujari dog family. What about the dogs near the meat shop. Have you seen their size? The mongrels are huge and strong. And with people like Menika Gandhi, gone are the days where dog's had a miserable life.

I sure would ask my doggies if after a day of heavy work (chasing the milk man, chasing the post man, shredding the newspaper thrown in in the morning, barking at the kids, running in the ground) if they would sit down and say, "It was a human life"?

Quick Gun Murugan Vs Austin Powers

If Hollywood gave us Austin Power and Dr. Evil, then Quick Gun Murugan and Rice Plate Reddy is Tollywood’s answer to Hollywood. Imitated by Shah Rukh Khan in his movie, Om Shanti Om and then played by M S Dhoni during T20 promoting Pepsi, Quick Gun Murugan is back as a full length film. Yenna rasccala! Mind it! What’s special with this character? Well he can kill three with one bullet and no bullet can kill him ‘cause he can eat the bullet shot at him and digest it. Wow! I am sure no one in Hollywood had such a good digestive system.

I put my thinking hat on and got down comparing Austin Power and Quick Gun Murugan and here is my list:

1. If Austin Power was a parody to James bond, Quick Gun Murugan is a parody to Super Star Rajnikant.

2. Austin Power wore crushed velvet suit and Beatle boots, our hero from the South wore silk shirt and cowboy boots and he has a hat to add to the glam. Oh! Did I mention the leopard-print waistcoat and orange pants?

3. Austin power had to battle the greedy Dr. Evil and Mini-Me, but Quick Gun Murugan has to battle the meat eating humans like Rice Plate Reddy, Rowdy MBA and Gun Powder.

4. Austin Power follows a British Spy’s struggle to get the villain to justice; while Quick Gun follows a South Indian’s quest to get the non-vegetarians quit eating meat.

5. There was Felicity Shagwell who could not resist Austin Power and here is Mango dolly who is madly in love with Quick Gun Murugan.

Now this is what we call a perfect example of sambar and salsa.

A beer party for your dog!

Lazy afternoon, sitting on your couch, remote in hand and your lips sucking the rim of a beer bottle with of course, your dog by your side. Sounds like you? Does not sound like me for sure, but I indeed have friends who want to do just this. I have always tried experimenting alcohol with my dogs. I love to see their reaction. Whisky is a saint. He hates the smell of alcohol and cigrets. Brandy on the other hand, is at times curious to know what's in the person's glass. I at times dip a piece of chicken in wine and give it to my doggies. Whisky gives me a bad look and say, "I don't want anything to do with alcohol", but Brandy takes a good bite into it. Anyway that is about my dogs.
If you want to sit and enjoy beer with you dog, then there is "Bowser Beer" that is made specially for dogs. The drink consists of malt barley, beef/chicken broth, glucosamine, citric acid and sodium benzonate and the drink comes with a warning: May cause "doggy-beer-googles". Hmm dogs are sure to love it. The beer is the invention of a small family owned company called the 3 busy dogs.

Read more of it on my dog blog

There is something about Whisky

Whisky can not see me cry. No matter what the tears in my eyes are for. He just would not see my eyes wet with tears. Let it be tears of happiness or sadness or anger. I was missing Paresh and found that the house had no except me and the pups. And I thought well fine, this is a good time to shed some tears. And there Whisky was. All over me, licking me, wagging his heavy tail on my face, using his paws on my head. Fine, I stopped crying, he gave me a lick and went back to sleep. The other day, I had a tiny argument with Paresh and felt miserable about it. So... a few drops of tears again rolled down as I told Paresh, I love you. Now these were the tears of victory. Victory? Oh yes. Victory of our stupid argument ending up smoothly. Whisky was deep in his sleep. But as soon as the tears touched me cheek there he was. Standing behind me, his paws on my shoulders, licking my ears which soon turned to licking my face and in no time I was out of the chair on the floor with Whisky cheering me up. And last night, I was watching Balika Vadhu. A serial where all the women in the household cry one after the other and soon the entire house is creating a pond with their tears. Well...okay...i too joined them in the sobbing drama and there he was. Once again. On top of me. Now this handsom dog of mine is a huge guy. A full grown German Shepard. You can imagine his size and his weight. His front two paws on my stomach and he frantically licking me up. I hugged him and sobbed a bit more into his fur. But, no. He won't take my sobbing. He sat with me until the stupid serial was over. Yeah sat right there on my tummy. But he made sure I stop crying and change the channel to some thing more funny. There is some thing about this boy of mine and my crying.
And as I type this, there he is, fighting with Brandy, debating on who saw the ball first.

With love from NYC

Today could not be better. Just when I was thinking Paresh is going to hate me all his life for the way I make a castle out of an ant hill, with all his unspoken words, he proved me wrong. Paresh sent me a nice, fresh bouquet all the way from New York City. He has the knack of making me feel so very special. I love the feeling that I belong to him. Thanks a bunch hunk. Love you forever.

Oops! My bikini is gone.

All you men out there, want to get back your own back after a break-up? Try the vanishing Get Naked costume. Sold on at www.racheshop.de is a saucy thong swim suit that promises to disappear in water in 3 minutes. The bikini available online in the color black is sure sending the men in Germany wild. Let's imagine this. Hey honey! I'm going in for a dip... Hey honey! I'm out and so is my bikini! Ahem! Just out of curiosity... how does this bikini help the dumped guys get back with their girl?

Source: TIO

The dog that roars!

Meet 'Tiger' a canine who awoke curiosity by not barking, but roaring. Wow! Tiger belongs to a farmer in Karwar called Pundalik and is reported to look like a tiger with yellow and black stripes. What is more? It roars when provoked.
Lets do the guess game now. Was the mother a tiger or was it the father. If the mother was the dog, must I say that we have a real desperate tiger on the move. Watch out. And if the father was a dog...just imaging what guts the dog had to bang a tigress. Now that is what I call brave heart.

Saif and his mystery woman

Past three days, Bangalore Times has been printing the news of Saif Ali Khan and his hunt for his childhood sweetheart. This is what I guess is Saif Ali Khan's idea of promoting his new TV show which I feel like him sucks. Now this is my personal opinion.

The section of Saif and his hunt started on 19th August which says, "I last saw her when she was seven." Agreed. Then he says, "but years of tight schedules and working weekends have kept me from her all these years." Well well must I say, until before Dil Chahta Hai, you were no where to be seen. Hell! no one wanted to cast you in their movies. Guess you were busy shuttling from one director to the other to take you in a movie or maybe building your body. What if acting does not sell. At least a hot bod does. What say? The newspaper section ends by saying, "Does Saif find this mystery girl? Watch this space to find out." Okay. Done.

The next day, the heading is, "Will we ever meet?" Which shows serious impatience and despair in the inability to hunt your sweetheart which is really agreeable. The section again ends asking the readers, "Will Saif find his mystery woman? To find out, keep watching this space! "

The third day he has found his love and the news section or should I say gossip section ends by saying, "Now, don’t watch this space for more. Watch TV!" Wow was this not quick? Luck is really with you.

Duhh! Is this all you create curiosity? Are you really so impatient?

Flaws:

1. The public is not as stupid as you think. Sure they know you are bull shitting.


2. And if you were serious, the next day news would sure be of Bebo turning into a wild bull whose ass is on fire. This is her chance for publicity. how can she let go of it?


3. If you were really hunting, Bangalore Times instead of showing a large picture of you, would have focused on a large picture of the girl. So that the girl would see the picture herself and get in touch with you.


4. Fine. None of the above holds good and it is all my thinking. Lets say that the idea of you promoting your show is brilliant. But don't you think you should at least tell people on which channel should they watch your show? Like what does, "Now, don’t watch this space for more. Watch TV!" mean?

After Love Aaj Kaal's flop, I am sure things are hard for you. But is it so hard that you make a fool out of your self this way? Publicity ke liye sala kutch bhi karega.